Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
