I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Randomize
