she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
