Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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