Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
