As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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