remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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