Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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