Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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