What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
