Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
