I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
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