who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
