Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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