That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
