Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
