so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
