I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You can't motorboat a personality
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
