I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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