I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
