I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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