i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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