I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
