i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
