I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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