Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
