while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Drunk is a universal language darling
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
