She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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