sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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