Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
