omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
