I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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