Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
