I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
