I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
