My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
