Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
