If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
