dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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