Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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