even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Found the puke drawer
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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