saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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