My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
