I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
