Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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