She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
