I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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