I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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