dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he quoted the bible to break up with me
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
