sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
